James Blunt's song, for which this blog entry is entitled, came to mind not only because it reminds me so much of how Malu would sing and play it--and quite well, I might add--on his guitar for me, but also because the words echoed in its chorus are those that were echoed through and through in the hours and minutes leading to Malu's departure this morning. Be prepared...this entry is going to be a long one. Actually, you'll find that I'm very long-winded, as well as flighty, and most of my entries will be like this (probably boring and incoherent) anyway. Here goes:
It's crazy how one day, you're looking nonchalantly into the future knowing that months down the road, your loved one and best friend is going to be leaving you for a year-long deployment, while thoughts of him possibly not returning
loom in the periphery. You think--oh, we've got plenty of time and then BAM! That day is today, you're caught completely off-guard, and you feel like you won't live to see another day. As I sit in my upstairs loft tonight, consumed by loneliness and the deafening silence of our house, I look back fondly (and teary-eyed) at Malu and my last few moments together.
We had gotten off to a late start this morning and after frantically packing the last of Malu's things, we were speeding down the road to the Colorado Springs Airport, where his flight would depart at 6:10 a.m. I had that awkward feeling where I was fighting back tears and a huge lump was forming in my throat. I felt like I had so much to say before he had to go but couldn't, for the life of me, get it out for fear of losing all my marbles. Most likely sensing this, Malu came to my rescue and told me, among other things, how much he appreciated me, how I was the best wife and friend he could ever have, and that he loved me with all of his heart and to never forget it. And in what seemed like just minutes, he came and went and it was as if my entire spirit left with him.
I totally lost it when I arrived back at our house which seemed cold, dark and empty. My loud sobs were enough to send Lucy scurrying upstairs for cover--poor thing. I called my mom, who I made cry and insisted that I go to her place to settle down and try to get some rest. When I got there, I settled down, but couldn't go to sleep. I ended up going to work with my mom. Since I have lots of free time, she lets me work at her check-cashing business. Not a bad place to work--I basically earn petty cash just sitting around, cashing an occasional check or printing money orders. I figured working would get my mind off things--and it did. Having my family here couldn't have come at a better time. They, along with a few close friends, have called to check on me throughout the day. If any of you are reading this, thanks so much for your love and support!
I've even heard from Malu a few times today. He'd arrived safely in Washington to link up with the unit he's deploying with. He'll be there for a few days and will then head to Fort Dix, New Jersey where he'll spend about a month preparing to deploy. Even better, he told me that at they'll be allowed a four-day weekend just before leaving to Iraq. This means I may be able to see him again, which I have mixed feelings about. It would be wonderful to be with him again, yet the pain experienced today was quite unbearable to want to face again. However, I'm a strong girl--and I'll take seeing him again any day so, whatever! Bring it on!
So with this good news, why all the sappy, make-you-wanna-barf emotions? Well, he's my husband and my best friend. His absence has left me feeling completely incomplete. This last year and some change has been the longest we'd been together without having to separate. Before that, we were apart for two years and doing the long distance thing, which I had hoped I would never have to experience again, especially since Malu had decided to leave Active Duty service. Next thing you know, he misses the military so much and months later, he's enlisted into the Army Reserves and deploying. But I have to say that I'm happy and proud that he's doing something that he loves and believes in. I have so much faith in his abilities and know that he will make a difference in the lives of so many! So best of luck to you and your teammates, my darling, and God-speed. Your entire family stands behind you and anxiously await your return. I love you with all my heart and soul.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the fact that I've been reassigned to Fort Riley, Kansas, upon completion of all the requirements for my Masters in Business Administration which will be at the end of December. I am to report sometime in January, with plans to deploy in September 2009. So just as Malu returns from Iraq, I'll be tagging him on my way out the door to Iraq. Crazy how things work. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to do with our house that I love too much to even think about leaving. Gotta love military life! The way I see it, I've had every assignment I've ever wanted or asked for in all the time I've spent in the Army so far--something that I know is a rare claim among my contemporaries. So I think it's time for me to suck it up, adapt, and overcome. Besides, I may be (cross your fingers) going to the same unit that my best friend, Paul, is in and might find myself enjoying being in tornado country. Who knows!
Anyway, give me about a day or two and I'll be back to normal. I mean, there's only so many tears that a person can cry before she just completely goes insane. Besides, my tear well will be completely tapped out by then. I wanted to leave you guys with some pictures that were taken yesterday, when Felix was still here. He came to spend some time with his big brother and we thoroughly enjoyed his visit! Thanks so much for being patient with me on this one. I'll try to keep it to a minimum next time!
Malu and I in front of our house
Malu and Felix in front of the house
The three of us reaking havic on Manitou Springs
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Oddly enough, the only other picture I took was of Jolene's (my brother Jon's fiance) nephew, Anthony. He's sporting a shirt designed by my sister-in-law's (Lulu) boyfriend, Nathan. He owns his own business and fashion line under the name Cerbae and is extremely talented. Anyway, here's that picture. I just had to take it just to let Lulu know that even though she and Nathan aren't here, we're huge fans! We miss you both!.JPG)
Anyway, it's way past my bedtime. My mom insists that, at least for this week, someone stays at the house with me--probably for my own protection, moral support, or maybe both. Who knows. But I think it's sweet. My dad is sleeping on the sectional downstairs. For some reason, he doesn't want to sleep on the perfectly good bed in the guest bedroom. 
